You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
