what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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