so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
