i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
