People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
