it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is the high leading the old right now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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