I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
