Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
