we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
