we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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