You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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