im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
