Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
