woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
