I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
