I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
