We named our party play list daddy issues
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
