found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
