If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
