last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
