Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
