Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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