Cold hands, warm shart.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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