is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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