woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
