Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
nutella sex= disaster
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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