No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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