thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
