I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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