I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
