don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
