You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
