drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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