You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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