i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
