My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize