Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
