I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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