Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
