woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
