I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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