Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Randomize
