before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
