she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
