there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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