Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
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I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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