lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
