from now on my penis is your penis
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
