need another drink. this is the easiest way
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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