in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
