idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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