you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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