I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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