I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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