So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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