Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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