I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up under a house in Key West
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