She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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