On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
