Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
