we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
