THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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