So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
