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he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
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