She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.