If that was your dad, he is hot
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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