Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?