not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?