It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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