you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
