So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
