I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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