I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
