Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
