note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the day after is always just damage control
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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