Christians are straight up FREAKS
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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