Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
