Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
