phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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