Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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