Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
