if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
