idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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