So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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