I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The ass gains better be worth it
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