Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
