My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
