I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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