Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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