I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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