I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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