OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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