my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
