Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
